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| I think I have this huge competative nature...i hate to lose. I absolutely hate losing at anything. Especially if it is something I believe that I am good at. I feel that I should be smart enough to figure out how to win. I dont think I would be mad over something that I had no control over. I do think I can always change the way things are going and will a victorious moment. I guess I have more to prove then most people. But not to prove anything to anyone else. But to prove something to myself. | | |
| I find it weird how I could want something that isn't even good for me. It makes me want to train myself to not wanting anything at all. Become very neutral to everything. Sometimes when you get too high on something the fall can become too dramatic for anyone to handle. Sometimes I feel that some of us are meant to get high so when we do fall it will be our ultimate test. | | |
| Trying a banana to cure the foot problem...how amazing would that be if that's all it took. Had a good long convo with someone today. I have no idea how to feel about this one. Like I know things can go really bad...like there's a 85% that it will but as long as I have a 15% chance that something amazing can happen...would I take it? Hmmmmm | | |
| Imagine if you had something that hurt every time to took a step. That's what I feel these days. And seriously there is nothing I can do about it. Seriously been having day dreams of mutilating my own foot. Ranks up there with shoulder dislocating, broken arm, ring worm, and torn off ear. Arrrgh | | |
| The reason why we couldn't be together was because I believe with all my heart that things have to feel right. Like I made this list of things as corny as it sounds of things that I wanted to do with her. But whenever we did them it didn't feel right. I mean there are alot of other reason too that led up to things not shaping up, but I always remember having that feeling too. Things can look great on paper, but things can look great on paper with alot of people. There has to be more then history, social acceptance, looks, money, love, or even happiness. There has to be this feeling like you were meant for each other. Like in your gut this is the final destination and you can not live without the person no matter what. I think this is the spiritual level everyone talks about. Like life was simply not worth living without that person. | | |
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